You know, I think Vladimir Putin just isn’t very smart. He didn’t think this through very well or read the New York Times or watch CNN too often. He goes off and starts a war in Ukraine that gets all the NATO Euroweenies mad at him, so they are running around in circles, waving their arms, screaming and shouting, dirtying their diapers, without a clue what they should do or how they should do it. Vlad’s probably getting a laugh out of that, and it is kinda funny, but still, I don’t think it was the right approach. And that same war in Ukraine has made all the Democrats in America angry with him, too, but they love it because it gives them something to do (scream and shout, etc. etc.) besides fix any of the catastrophes they’ve cause in their own country the last 20 months. “Hmph. How dare Putin illegally cross another country’s borders!” And so they get their media lapdogs to start barking at him, and a bunch of leashed, muddled Republicans like Mitch and Lindsey to yip-yip and snap at his heels and wet their newspapers—about a war that has absolutely nothing to do with us, and would not affect us in the least if we had a President and Congress who collectively had an IQ bigger than a baby’s shoe size.
But, alas, we don’t.
But I still don’t get it. Why would Vladimir Putin want all the Euroweenies etc. etc. to hate him and call him names and say he’s a friend of Donald Trump and stink up Europe and wet America (who else cares?) over a few acres of dirt that really isn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things, except to a few people, people who nobody in Europe or America can understand what they say and people whose names we can’t even pronounce? And we wouldn’t care what they said even if we could understand them or care what their names were if we could pronounce them?
I just don’t get any of this from any angle.
Well, ok, I get that maybe it’s important to Vlad for his ego, or because he’s a prick, or something like that, but, Vlad, if you really wanted the Ukraine that badly, you went about it in a completely erroneous manner. You really screwed it up. You didn’t have to anger the Euroweenies or cause Mitch to wet his newspaper.
All you had to do was paint your tanks (ELECTRIC tanks, Vlad), airplanes, and artillery rainbow colors and dress up your soldiers as drag queens and Euroweenies, Joe, Nancy, and Mitch would be cheering you on. And cursing anybody who cursed you.
Don’t you ever read the Washington Post, Vlad? You should. It would give you a great lesson in diplomacy with the West.
Vlad, if you would just call your male soldiers “xim” and your female soldiers “xer,” and send in a few pregnant men, Europe and America would have rolled a red carpet across the Ukrainian border for your rainbow-colored electric tanks.
Let “Lia” Thomas lead your troops, Vlad, and even the NCAA would be clapping and giving you ribbons.
A rainbow flag over the Kremlin, even for a day, would do wonders for your reputation. “Vlad’s not such a bad guy after all.”
Fly that rainbow flag, Vlad, and Joe and Nancy might send you some children to groom (or babies to kill). You’d certainly earn the praise of the NEA and Planned Parenthood. And since those two organizations own the Democratic Party (along with the Greenies), the Democrats would doubtless leave you alone. And maybe they would build a statue of you that their historically-challenged sycophants wouldn’t pull down.
A few other things could help you, too, Vlad. Ask Xi Jinping if you can borrow a few Chinese soldiers. He has dozens of millions, he won’t miss a few and he would hope you’d get them all killed, he likes people getting killed, all communists do. Throw them into the mix. LeBron can sell Nike’s to them. And if you could say some nice things about “equity” and “equal voting rights,” the NBA, MLB, NFL, and Stacey Abrams would be on your side, too. Stacey might even say how “free” and “fair” elections in Russia are.
It wouldn’t hurt if you made some good points about how guns kill people (you should know, right? haha). Just don’t let them know people in Russia can own guns. That would ruin everything.
Vlad, open up a few pro-life pregnancy centers in Kyiv, and Antifa, BLM, and the abortion-rights thugs would destroy the city for you in no time. Why waste your soldiers on the effort?
If you would call Donald Trump a racist, Vlad, and an insurrectionist, and hint that you may have helped him win in 2016, can you imagine?....Nancy Botox would put you on the January 6 Committee and Congress would probably send YOU 40+ billion of American taxpayer dollars. And you could get some really great naps.
Do all of that, Vlad, and Joe and Nancy and Mitch will shut up about Ukraine and buy all the oil you can sell them at whatever price you want to charge (the higher, the better, so that Americans can’t afford it so that they would be forced to buy the electric cars they can’t afford, either. Do you sell those, Vlad? Wow, if you do, that would be great! Sorry, but China already has America’s solar panel market cornered. More money for Joe and Hunter, you know, yuck, yuck, wink, wink.)
Vlad, you just really went about this whole “war in Ukraine” thing the wrong way.
